[Kamala feels like someone's struck her. She loves the Doctor. He gives warm hugs and offers sweets that are too sweet. He means well. She likes the way he talks to her.
Kamala knows these friendships are doomed to end. They all want to go home. She doesn't expect anyone to die though. Her voice is shaky when she responds. Kamala is clearly upset.] I don't understand. How did his face change? Why does that mean he died? Or kind of died?
[ Clara sends her directions to one of the quieter places to sit and have food and drink, at least that she's seen, and tries to summon a smile in her voice. ]
Everything's my treat, and I'm on my way now. Take your time though, no rush.
[ She just needs to walk, and think, and try and get a handle on her emotions. At least a little. ]
[Kamala does indeed take her time. She opts not to use her platforms for quick travel. Putting one foot in front of the other without having to will something solid underneath into existence helps her process that confusing message.
On the one hand, this is terrible news. She loves the Doctor. He's funny and kind. She doesn't like the idea of no longer living in a sweet dream where he's out there somewhere. Maybe someday they'll find each other again however unlikely.
The cold reality is that they won't. Kamala tries to come to terms with that. She doesn't succeed by the time she arrives, but no surprise. It'd be a bitter pill to swallow even for someone who doesn't live in rose-colored glasses.]
Hey, Clara. [She waves meekly once she does arrive. It's probably best not to go in for the dramatic hug like she's prone to do.]
[Kamala sinks into the hug once it's offered. She holds tightly onto the older woman and cries a little despite herself. She's always been emotional. Right now she's mourning someone who she cared for very much.] It's not your fault.
[She wipes her eyes once they part. The teen takes a chair and tries to reign in her big feelings for a change.] Some tea would be great. Thanks.
health and such ruined things for a bit - feel free to let this go if it's too old! <3
[ Clara would never ask that Kamala hide her feelings or hold back; she knows what that's like, and she knows it can hurt worse, in the end. When she returns with tea for both of them, she sits across from the young woman and hands it over, holding her own tightly between her hands. It takes her a few seconds to even begin to try saying anything. ]
I'm sorry this is confusing, and it isn't easier to explain. But the Doctor, that person is still alive. But when the body he's in is hurt or begins to die, he can regenerate. New face, new personality, attitude, likes and dislikes. When I say the Doctor is gone, I mean the one we knew.
[ Clara is speaking quietly, unable to raise her voice much louder than to be heard by Kamala alone. ]
you're all good! I'll just be slow to tag back bc I have a respiratory illness
[Kamala accepts her tea with a worried frown. She drinks it while listening. It sounds like a fairytale. This is real life which is often stranger. She sets the tea down while trying to wrap her head around it.] So it's like what? Reincarnation?
[She starts to explain what that means to her.] I used to watch these cartoons as a kid about tragic princesses reborn into these kick-butt superheroes.
[In rapid fire she asks:] Does that mean if he comes back we can still be friends? It's still him. Kind of. He'll need friends.
Oh nooo :( Why, bodies? I hope you feel better soon <3
[ It does sound like a fairytale, Clara would completely agree. ]
Actually yeah, reincarnation is probably the best way to put it. The stories I've read, people forget who they were, or it only comes back to them in bits and pieces. The Doctor remembers everything, all of it. He's existed since...I don't know when. He's over two-thousand years old now.
[ And he was tired, she knew he was tired. She begged for more lives anyway. Compared to Kamala's quick questions, Clara is quiet and contemplative. ]
...He's really different, Kamala. He's old and gray and Scottish which are the first three differences. He hates bowties. He doesn't hug anymore, he doesn't like touch at all. [ Which kills her, going from holding hands and all the hugging she could stand, to nothing. ] He's blunt in a way that might hurt your feelings but he doesn't mean to. He still likes young people, he's always liked kids. Hope for the future and all that.
[ Clara's aware she's rambling and stops, wetting her lips. ]
He needs friends. He'll act like he doesn't, but he does.
[She is taken aback by his age. The Doctor has been so down to Earth. He never treated her like a dumb kid who didn't know any better. No, he was nothing, but kind and respectful towards her during their friendship.
That earns a lot of good will. She makes a mental note of the changes. Kamala knows it ultimately won't matter. She is going to give him a chance. He deserves that much from her, regardless of who he becomes. They all change with time. His change just sounds more extreme than most.]
Then he still has a friend. One day I'll be different too. I'd still want people to care about me, even if I'm not the person they remember.
[Kind of like with Red, she thinks. She loves the teen version and the awesome adult she became. She hopes that if it comes to that, people will still feel the same way about her too.]
[ It's hard to explain, and she isn't sure she can, what her love was (is) for the Doctor. What they had and what was taken away. Even if in this place it was different, their story is a fixed point, and she knows what they have.
Had.
That first time he'd recoiled from her touch felt like being plunged in ice water, and it only got marginally better. Better enough, but not the same. And then she was back here, and her Doctor was gone all over again. Kamala's right though, everyone changes, and Clara nods at her wisdom, even with her vision blurry, biting on the inside of her cheek to keep her tears at bay. When she can finally speak, she even manages to give a thin smile. ]
I always have thought kids are smarter than adults most of the time. I'm glad you won't give up on him, Kamala. I won't either.
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not to totally hog your inbox but I thought this was important :3 | voice
[ Clara takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, the shakiness audible. ]
The Doctor must have gone home too, only he didn't come back. And...at home he&mdeash;he's—
[ She hates saying this part, so much. ]
The Doctor is still alive, but he isn't the same face anymore, the one we all knew, he died. I'm so sorry.
you're always welcome!! and totally necessary ;;
Kamala knows these friendships are doomed to end. They all want to go home. She doesn't expect anyone to die though. Her voice is shaky when she responds. Kamala is clearly upset.] I don't understand. How did his face change? Why does that mean he died? Or kind of died?
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[ This doesn't feel like a conversation they should have without being face to face. ]
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Everything's my treat, and I'm on my way now. Take your time though, no rush.
[ She just needs to walk, and think, and try and get a handle on her emotions. At least a little. ]
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On the one hand, this is terrible news. She loves the Doctor. He's funny and kind. She doesn't like the idea of no longer living in a sweet dream where he's out there somewhere. Maybe someday they'll find each other again however unlikely.
The cold reality is that they won't. Kamala tries to come to terms with that. She doesn't succeed by the time she arrives, but no surprise. It'd be a bitter pill to swallow even for someone who doesn't live in rose-colored glasses.]
Hey, Clara. [She waves meekly once she does arrive. It's probably best not to go in for the dramatic hug like she's prone to do.]
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Thank you for coming over. I'm sorry it's for this. I'm so sorry, Kamala.
[ She hates having to explain this at all, but it's always harder when it's someone young, and someone they liked. ]
Sit anywhere, I'll get us some tea. Or water?
[ Just enough time for a breath or two to steady herself with her back turned before explaining. ]
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[She wipes her eyes once they part. The teen takes a chair and tries to reign in her big feelings for a change.] Some tea would be great. Thanks.
health and such ruined things for a bit - feel free to let this go if it's too old! <3
I'm sorry this is confusing, and it isn't easier to explain. But the Doctor, that person is still alive. But when the body he's in is hurt or begins to die, he can regenerate. New face, new personality, attitude, likes and dislikes. When I say the Doctor is gone, I mean the one we knew.
[ Clara is speaking quietly, unable to raise her voice much louder than to be heard by Kamala alone. ]
you're all good! I'll just be slow to tag back bc I have a respiratory illness
[She starts to explain what that means to her.] I used to watch these cartoons as a kid about tragic princesses reborn into these kick-butt superheroes.
[In rapid fire she asks:] Does that mean if he comes back we can still be friends? It's still him. Kind of. He'll need friends.
Oh nooo :( Why, bodies? I hope you feel better soon <3
Actually yeah, reincarnation is probably the best way to put it. The stories I've read, people forget who they were, or it only comes back to them in bits and pieces. The Doctor remembers everything, all of it. He's existed since...I don't know when. He's over two-thousand years old now.
[ And he was tired, she knew he was tired. She begged for more lives anyway. Compared to Kamala's quick questions, Clara is quiet and contemplative. ]
...He's really different, Kamala. He's old and gray and Scottish which are the first three differences. He hates bowties. He doesn't hug anymore, he doesn't like touch at all. [ Which kills her, going from holding hands and all the hugging she could stand, to nothing. ] He's blunt in a way that might hurt your feelings but he doesn't mean to. He still likes young people, he's always liked kids. Hope for the future and all that.
[ Clara's aware she's rambling and stops, wetting her lips. ]
He needs friends. He'll act like he doesn't, but he does.
thank you! I'm inching towards final recovery!
That earns a lot of good will. She makes a mental note of the changes. Kamala knows it ultimately won't matter. She is going to give him a chance. He deserves that much from her, regardless of who he becomes. They all change with time. His change just sounds more extreme than most.]
Then he still has a friend. One day I'll be different too. I'd still want people to care about me, even if I'm not the person they remember.
[Kind of like with Red, she thinks. She loves the teen version and the awesome adult she became. She hopes that if it comes to that, people will still feel the same way about her too.]
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Had.
That first time he'd recoiled from her touch felt like being plunged in ice water, and it only got marginally better. Better enough, but not the same. And then she was back here, and her Doctor was gone all over again. Kamala's right though, everyone changes, and Clara nods at her wisdom, even with her vision blurry, biting on the inside of her cheek to keep her tears at bay. When she can finally speak, she even manages to give a thin smile. ]
I always have thought kids are smarter than adults most of the time. I'm glad you won't give up on him, Kamala. I won't either.